On Being A Psychotherapist

Posted on June 21, 2025 by richp45198

I long maintained that being a psychotherapist was a strange way to make a living. It is a job that relies on human suffering. It is a job with an uncertain outcome for the honest psychotherapist knows that we do not help everyone who comes through the door. It is a job that has to do with stories. Everyone who comes to us comes with a story. Some but not all of those stories can be profound. We therapists can be overwhelmed by the stories. And yet as one lady reminded me “Hey! We crazy people didn’t ask you to do this job!”

We are often asked “What’s your approach?” Many therapists, especially these days, will use a label such as “cognitive behavioral” or “EMDR”. When I was asked that question, I would have to say “Well, that’s a bit of a story” since my approach was made up of an amalgam of approaches to which I was exposed over the years. It all started with my first class in theories of psychotherapy.

After surviving almost flunking out of graduate school, I was signed up for the first class in theories of therapy. “This” I thought “is why I’m here!” When I saw the textbook, however, I saw that it was all about THEORY not practice. What was I too do? I went to a fourth year student and asked for his advice. He recommended that I read “On Becoming a Person” by Carl Rogers and that I request supervision from Coy Robbins, an African-American social worker who was the only person in the clinic who actually did psychotherapy. Both suggestions were immensely helpful. But I also undertook my own path of exploration. I would go to the library and pick out a book by a therapist. Thus I was exposed to and influenced by Viktor Frankl, by Carl Jung, by Albert Ellis, and yes by Sigmund Freud.

Over the years, my approach continued to evolve, influenced by my interest in family therapy, in spirituality, in trauma. It was also influenced by my own therapy and my own recovery from addiction. This mix of influences made me, I suppose, a little different. One gets feedback about how one is perceived within the professional community. Thus, I would find out that I was viewed as eccentric and reclusive. I was told that another therapist said “Oh that Patterson. he’s more of a philosopher than a psychologist.” There was also a rumor that I had once been a Navy chaplain.

There were two other bits of feedback of which I am proud. One young man told me “I came to you because I was told you don’t bullshit people.” I was also told “You’re seen as a story-teller.” An eccentric reclusive philosopher who tells stories and doesn’t bullshit people. Now that I’m retired, if that’s my legacy, I can live with that.

I also believed that many of those who came to see me were there to teach me something. For example, I was blessed with an early important lesson. A woman came to see me and outlined her issue. I proceeded to pontificate on the reasons for her issue and what she needed to do about it. She listened politely and then finally put her hand up in a stop motion and said “Would you please be quiet and just listen to me?”. “You got it” I said and the witnessed her figure out her own situation with minimal input from me. At the end I said something profound like “Well, sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do.” I later heard this woman found the session helpful and made some difficult decisions in a way that worked for her. She gave me the gift of an early lesson not only in listening but in humility.

Maybe that’s the best kept secret of being a psychotherapist. We meet a number of people who help us learn things and grow. For that I am grateful.

I like to think that being open to new learnings stayed with me as I grew older. We older therapists can get set in our ways with a variety of habits regarding our work. I like to think I remained open to new learnings. I suppose that was reflected when I walked into the room for a first session with a woman and she said “Oh thank God you’re not young!” I guess she was hoping for someone who had lived life a bit and wasn’t stuck on theory. That I could offer her.

I leave then with this clip from one of my mentors — the great Bob Newhart

REFLECTIONS: Feel free to share any of your experiences either as a therapist or client or both.

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“Woke”

Posted on May 6, 2025 by richp45198

I have struggled with the meaning of this emotionally charged word that has come to represent a certain category of persons who have come under fire and threat these days. Here is the Miriam Webster definition:

“aware of and actively attentive to important societal facts and issues (especially issues of racial and social justice)”

Current political usage of “woke” is as a negative term implying advocacy for groups such as the racially marginalized as well as LGBTQIA+ persons. It at times is also invoked to attack those favoring environmentally friendly policies. The implication is that any supporting of so-called “woke” policies is anti-American and un-Christian.

Although not exactly the same, there is some overlap between “woke” and support of diversity, equity, and inclusion (DEI). Our government has undertaken actions to eliminate DEI policies from government agencies and has begun attacks on educational institutions supporting DEI topics and policies.

I recently watched a video of Fred Rogers testifying in a congressional hearing regarding PBS funding, something else that is currently being attacked because of being too “woke”. Here is a typical quote from Mr. Rogers:

“As human beings, our job in life is to help people realize how rare and valuable each one of us really is, that each of us has something that no one else has or ever will have something inside that is unique to all time. It’s our job to encourage each other to discover that uniqueness and to provide ways of developing its expression.”

“Good grief”, I thought. “That sounds like being ‘woke’!” And indeed it would appear that, with his acceptance of every child “just the way you are” as well as his own gentle challenges to issues such as racism (Remember the episode where he bathed his feet with his African American policeman?) would appear to label him as “woke”.

Then I looked through my blog. Over the years, I have written about some extraordinary people who have truly blessed my spiritual journey. Nowadays I believe they all would be called “woke” and perhaps attacked. Here are a few.

Clearly Dorothy Day and Daniel Berrigan would be called “woke”, Dorothy Day for her advocacy on behalf of the poor no matter what their race and Daniel Berrigan for his protests against a government sponsored war. Similarly the great folk singer Pete Seeger was marginalized during the era of McCarthyism ( a time which has some eerie parallels to these current times). His many songs spoke out against racism, war, and the general marginalizing of minorities.

The great Jewish scholar Abraham Joshua Heschel marched with Martin Luther King. Vietnamese Buddhist and teacher Thich Nhat Hahn spoke out against war and discrimination. Thomas Merton was vocal in favor of civil rights. Pulitzer Prize-winning playwright August Wilson enriched our understanding of the challenges to African-Americans. Even Vincent Van Gogh through some of his paintings captured the sufferings of poor farmers and other laborers. All would likely be labelled as “woke”.

Larry Doby and Jackie Robinson, through their integration of Major League Baseball, actively undid decades-old discrimination in a major business. Where they not attempting to establish DEI in baseball? Would that not qualify them both as “woke”?(If this seems far-fetched, keep in mind that Jackie Robinson’s autobiography was earmarked for removal at the Naval Academy as part of a government program to remove literature supporting DEI).

The late Pope Francis would appear to qualify as “woke”. Even the likes of great saints such as Oscar Romero would appear to be “woke” because of his advocacy for politically oppressed groups in San Salvador. And, yes, it even seems likely that Jesus Christ, He who spoke for the poor and the rejected, He who challenged the power brokers, He who came to wake us up, would qualify as “woke”.

As noted above, there are eerie similarities these days with the Red Scare of the 1950s. At that time, books were removed from libraries. People lost jobs. Schools were pressured to not include any information that could be interpreted as “red”. Given that Donald Trump has a direct line to Sen. Joe McCarthy through Roy Cohn, the parallel is not improbable.

The issues of today that fall under the category of “woke” are not simple issues. What is missing is intelligent dialogue. Our country has become polarized. Some of our religions are headed in the same direction. Intelligent dialogue balanced by accountability is missing in the public discourse.

As I read over my list of spiritual influences that would likely be labelled as “woke”, it saddened me. Do I agree with everything they said or did? No. But their challenges have made me think, made me reflect on what I believe. This, I think, is part of what spiritual growth entails — a spirit of open-mindedness.

I am grateful for everyone on my list as well as other spiritual influences. I guess that means I’m “woke”.

Feel free to pass this on. Feel free to comment. Intelligent dialogue points the way.

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The Catholic Church and Clergy Abuse: Impact on Faith

Posted on April 14, 2025 by richp45198

I have been reading a disturbing book titled Jesus Wept: Seven Popes and the Battle for the Soul of the Catholic Church by Philip Shenon. Shenon studies the ongoing battle between progressive and conservative Catholics, made more intense by the impact of Catholics on the election of Donald Trump. Shenon’s book portrays the humanness of the Church to include the corruption of power at all levels. Shenon also pays paricular attention to the evolution of the clergy abuse scandal, making it clear that all Popes since Paul VI knew of the problem with clergy abuse and did little to intervene.

This reading has overlapped with a question I was recently asked: “How has the clergy abuse scandal impacted you as a Catholic?” It is a question that merits all Catholics’ attention. For me, it has been a journey with, it turns out, some old roots.

When I was 16 years old, I was planning to become a priest. I was invited by an order to which I was applying to visit their seminary. I roomed with a seminarian. During the night, I woke up to find him trying to molest me. I yelled “What the f–k are you doing?”, apparently scaring him off.

I never told the vocations director and really just set the incident aside. I didn’t think it affected me very much.

In the late 1980s, a client asked me if I would see her son for an evaluation. He had been molested by a priest named David Holley, who, it turns out, had been sent to the Southwest after multiple accusations of child molesting back in the diocese of Boston. She also recommended I read a book titled Lead Us Not into Temptation by Jason Berry. This book examined a case of clergy sexual abuse in Louisiana. It was my introduction to the reality of clergy sexual abuse.

I looked into what the Diocese of El Paso was doing about this issue and found out that they were doing nothing. I wrote to all the Catholic mental health professionals I could think of asking if they would be willing to help the then Bishop in formulating a response to the issue of clergy abuse, which, it turns out, was very much a part of the El Paso church. I wrote to 40 professionals and 39 expressed a willingness to help. I then presented all this to the Bishop, in essence forcing a response. A committee was established to investigate reports of clergy abuse. I was not invited to participate. Eventually, given my involvement with victims of clergy abuse to include assisting some who were suing the diocese, I was judged to be “an enemy of the church” and church officials were encouraged not to do business with me.

The next Bishop tried to mend fences and invited me to participate on that same committee. I became disillusioned over the diocesan response to one case and resigned. That same day I was contacted by a local news channel doing a story on clergy abuse to include an examination of the David Holley case. At the conclusion of the interview I said that I feared my Church was dying, generating negative blowback from the diocese that apparently lasted for several years.

I continued to treat victims of clergy abuse, many of whom were very courageous people trying to heal from devastating trauma, to include spiritual trauma. With some of these victims, it became clear that earlier bishops in El Paso knew of abuse but had looked the other way.

When I saw the film Spotlight it was like a punch in the stomach when the name of David Holley was mentioned. At the end of the film, cities with credible cases of clergy abuse were listed. I expected to see El Paso listed, which it was. I did not expect to see my hometown of Scranton Pa.

Shortly after, the state of Pennsylvania published a list of credible cases. One name stood out — Fr. Robert Gibson. Fr. Gibson had been a parish priest in our parish. He had been kind to me, choosing me to teach younger altar boys, helping me find a summer job. I wondered then and wonder now if he was grooming me.

So how has this affected my journey as a Catholic? I have had moments of anger. All of us pubescent boys and girls would fear confessing very normal acts, expecting judgment which we sometimes received. When I came to see that more than half of priests were sexually active with others and that many more practiced masturbation, I resented the guilt that had been implanted around sexuality. I found myself angry at the Church’s position on homosexuality, having learned that a significant percentage of priests were gay. I came to see that my own guilt-ridden sexuality needed healing.

I also came to see how human the Catholic Church is. I came to see the temptation of power as it permeates the Church. I came to see how power has motivated judgment and condemnation of St. John XXIII, the Pope who tried to move the Church from a position of judgment to a position of mercy. The Aftermath of his program Vatican II has revealed a powerful conservative element of the Church, an element unwilling to share their power.

A positive impact of the crisis was that it challenged me to reflect on what if anything about Catholicism still had meaning for me. That in turn helped me see that among other things I still value the sacraments. I also embraced the long Catholic tradition of mysticism. And my friendship with a handful of priests, all very good men, helped me see that healthy priestly service was possible.

The crisis also in many ways brought me to a different relationship with Jesus. As I reread the Gospels, I realized that modern Christianity to include Catholicism is far afield from what Jesus had in mind. And yet the efforts of St. John XXIII, the courageous leadership of martyrs like St. Oscar Romero, the courageous dissidence of people like Dorothy Day Lewis and Daniel Berrigan, much less the loving service of several of the priests whom I call friend indicate to me that living the life that Jesus preached is still possible.

Almost 25 years ago I wrote an article for America magazine titled “My Church Is Dying”. I believed then that sometimes we have to die to something to be redeemed. I believe in many ways my Church is still dying. Yet I still also believe that a rebirth more consistent with Jesus’ teachings is possible. It will require voices willing to challenge those who covet power. It will require voices willing to challenge the increasingly powerful ultra-conservative right wing of the Church.

What then of the attempted molesting some 60 years ago? Well, I find it amusing and a little reflective of the more colorful aspects of my own journey that I invoked the F-bomb in a seminary! I don’t think I was traumatized but I was also nowhere near being able to see that the Catholic Church has a dark side. Now I know it.

Recommended: Lead Us Not Into Temptation by Jason Berry

Jesus Wept by Phillip Shenon

Betrayal: The Crisis in the Catholic Church by the investigative team of the Boston Globe. The story is more disturbing than the movie Spotlight which is based on the Boston Globe team’s work.

If you are so inclined, pass this on.

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Conservative Christians: A Critical Voice in a Troubled Time

Posted on March 23, 2025 by richp45198

It would appear that Conservative Christians played a significant role in the election of Donald Trump. Several of the issues around which he built his campaign to include abortion and sexual identity appealed to the Conservative Christians. Now that he is elected, their voice becomes especially important.

Since his election, he and Elon Musk have spent much time addressing the issue of government waste by making major lay-offs in several agencies. Indeed, there is much waste and inefficiency in government departments. However, the manner in which this has been done stands at odds with basic principles of Christian compassion. This picture reflects the attitude they appear to have taken about cutbacks.

A publicity stunt but one devoid of any sense of Christian compassion for those affected by the layoffs. Here is an interview with one of many veterans affected by these layoffs. He reflects the lack of Christian compassion.

The callousness reflected in the massive terminations, especially of veterans, and the callous manner in which they have happened is worthy of a response from ALL Christians, not just conservative ones. It is appropriate for Conservative Christians to find ways of holding government officials responsible not for the cuts themselves but for the manner in which they are happening.

Similarly, Conservative Christians need to stand up in support of those Conservative Christians who are Supreme Court justices and who have had the courage to challenge Trump. These justices have already been exposed to decidedly un-Christian attacks because they have not automatically agreed with President Trump and, in the case of Chief Justice Roberts, have held him accountable.

The Christian voices of Liberal Christians are being easily dismissed, labelling them as “Left-wing socialists” etc. This will not change. So it may be the voices of Conservative Christians that will be especially important in demanding that government officials adhere to basic Christian principles in the weeks ahead.

Then there is the Vice-President Vance, an avowed Conservative Christian Catholic who took it upon himself to justify a change in policy regarding foreign aid by referring to St. Thomas Aquinas, a reference roundly criticized by Catholic theologians. See for example https://www.americamagazine.org/faith/2025/02/13/ordo-amoris-stephen-pope-vance-249926 for a thorough assessment of Aquinas’ idea of ordis amoris which Vance uses to justify reducing assistance to other nations.

I am not a Conservative Christian. Issues of government waste, immigration, foreign aid, even abortion are difficult ones that may indeed call for new solutions. But the manner in which they are implemented needs to be done from a position of Christian concern.

Finally, we are all called to reevaluate how well we understand Jesus’ message and how well we integrate that message into our response to the political activities of the day. I need to hold myself responsible for my response to those with whom I do not agree. Do I judge? Do I name-call? Yes, Jesus was critical but He usually was critical of the leaders of His time, not the average Jew trying to get through each day in the midst of an oppressive Roman government and a largely self-centered group of religious leaders. He challenged us all to not be judgmental, to treat each other with loving respect, to help the poor and the disenfranchised. If political leaders claim to be Christians, then we Christians, both liberal and conservative, need to hold them to their claim, using only the teachings of Jesus as our reference point.

If you find this blog thought-provoking pass it on.

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Powerlessness and Politics: What Are We Citizens to Do?

Posted on March 6, 2025 by richp45198

It seems that each day the news includes yet something else impacting on we citizens. Today it included the announcement of further cuts to VA employees. Since the beginning of the year, the news has included announcements of other job firings, cuts in foreign aid, the pardoning of persons convicted of crimes at the Jan 6 riot, and insults to other foreign leaders. Intelligent dialogue seems to be a thing of the past as our country becomes more and more polarized. If you take a conservative position, you ae accused of being a fascist. If you take a liberal position, you are accused of being a socialist.

Shades of Joe McCarthy! In the time of Sen. McCarthy in the 1950s, any criticism of that Senator and his anti-communist agenda resulted in one being labelled as a Communist. Neighbor turned against neighbor. We may be moving in that direction and will be encouraged to report our neighbors who are immigrants, who still work from home, etc.

The issues facing our country are difficult. Immigration, gun control, disease control, the Ukraine. All are complex issues that do not lend themselves to easy resolution. Intelligent study and dialogue is desperately needed. Instead what we seem to hear are insults and threats on all sides with undercurrents of violence to those who speak out. In the face of all of this, we common citizens can feel powerlessness. Or angry.

It is that anger that has been capitalized on. One politician was astute enough to take what I call a Howard Beal approach to things. Paddy Chayefsky predicted not only the TV news environment but the political environment over 40 years ago with his script for the film Network. Here is the signature scene:

There is such a thing as righteous anger, an anger that needs to be balanced by compassion and a capacity to listen. Much of the anger that we see and hear from our political leaders lacks any degree of compassion.

Beneath anger is fear. Fear of the immigrant. Fear of the economy. Fear of the future. Underneath the anger that drove January 6 and that influenced subsequent elections lurks fear. In the face of such fear, many, many of us feel powerless.

To feel powerless is to fell an absence of control, an impotence. Most of us lack a vehicle to directly impact current events. We can write to our congressman or congresswoman yet have the nagging thought that our letter won’t be read. We can march in protests. History shows us that protests can make a difference. Witness the impact of protests against racial discrimination or the Viet Nam War. Yet at an individual level, it can feel like a waste of time.

Those of us who consider ourselves Christian are especially challenged, particularly in the face of so-called Christians acting an an un-Christian manner by resorting to name-calling, violence, and judgment. Some of us Christians seem to have forgotten some basic Christian principles.

What are we Christian citizens to do?

  1. We can educate ourselves. We can select a reliable news source, one that reports all sides of an issue without name-calling.
  2. We can educate ourselves on current Christian teaching and thinking on the issues before us. For example, an excellent recent article in America magazine by El Paso’s own Bishop Mark Seitz presents an excellent examination of the immigration issue from a Christian perspective.
  3. We can be honest with ourselves in terms of what we fear and how that may be influencing our reactions to the issues of the day and in particular whether that fear is being manipulated by others.
  4. We can participate in protests as long as they are peaceful and respectful. Remember that more than a few participants in the Jan 6 riot labelled themselves as Christians.
  5. In the 12 Step program persons in recovery are called to acknowledge powerless and turn instead to a higher power. Perhaps our religious leaders need to challenge us to pray for solutions to problems that embrace the teachings of Jesus rather than ignore them.
  6. As simple as it may seem, we can pray.

For me, the sense of powerlessness is a persistent negative voice. Even as I write this, that voice says “This is a waste of time. Who do you think you are?” Well, I’m a Christian and we Christians have a long heritage of speaking out in the face of negativity. Jesus of course is the original Voice but there have been others since then. All have been willing to speak out in the face of indifference.

It can also be an issue of ego –that I want to make a difference. That I want people to listen to Me! Perhaps I need to humbly accept that I can only be a small but significant part of a voice that can make a difference. And that matters!

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Me and Baseball

Posted on February 9, 2025 by richp45198

It is February and soon pitchers and catchers will show up for spring training. Along with Dan Shaughnessy and others, my sons and I will assess the possibilities this coming year for my beloved Redsox.

Baseball has been a part of my life since I don’t know how long. I can’t remember when I first got into baseball but I remember my first glove. An Early Wynn model. My Dad gave it to me and we would spend time in our backyard like so many fathers and sons do playing catch.

I missed an important opportunity once because I was too young. We had a cottage for a week at Lake Henry in the Poconos. A nice old man was in the cottage next door. My Dad told me his name was Steve O’Neil and that he had played baseball. How I wish I had a time machine and go back to talk with this catcher for the Cleveland Indians. What was Tris Speaker like? Or Smoky Joe Wood? And what was it like the day your friend Roy Chapman got killed?

I never played organized ball. The Green Ridge Little League was the one all my friends played in. But I was ineligible. I lived one block over the boundary between Scranton and Dunmore. And so I contented myself with sandlot baseball. We would come together at a place called Maloney Field. We’d put out rocks for bases and play. Sometimes we’d have enough for a regular game. Sometimes not.

Similarly I would spend hours in my backyard bouncing a rubber ball off of the garage door or the second floor. I’d dive to field the grounders. I’d leave my cap loosely on my head so that it would fly off as I chased a fly ball. I wanted to look like Willie Mays at the Polo Grounds.

In sixth grade we actually formed a real school team. We made hats which were red and white and had the letters SC on them. St. Clare’s. We would play some of the other Catholic school in the area, those being the days when there were lots of them.

One of the high points of my youthful love of baseball involved Jimmy Piersall. Jimmy played for the Redsox and had played for the minor league Scranton Redsox. As such, when a secretary at the truckig comanpny where my Dad worked was getting married, he told me that Jimmy Piersall would be there. Did I want my dad to get his autograph? I rushed into my room and quickly found Jimmy’s card in my extensive Topps baseball card collection. After the wedding, my Dad returned not only with the Topps card but with a second publicity card. Both were signed “Your pal, Jimmy Piersall”. My Pal? I was pals with a real ballplayer!

It turns out that my Mom was a bit of a baseball fan. Thus, on a cold autumn afternoon after I had run home from school. she joined me to watch Bill Mazeroski win the World Series with what is still for me the greatest home run I’ve ever seen.

In 1961 my Dad graciously took me to Yankee Stadium to see Jimmy play. By then, he was with the Cleveland Indians. It turned out that not only did I see Jimmy play but that I also saw Roger Maris hit his 56th of 61 home runs.

Then I began to drift away from baseball. Oh I took note of such events as Sandy Koufax retiring or the Mets winning the Series or Roberto Clemente’s death. But I didn’t follow it with enthusiasm. Little did I know the role baseball played when I needed to rediscover baseball.

My interest started to renew with the 1975 World Series. I was stationed at Ft. Sam Houston and had noticed a Series game on a store televison.I put the game on when we got home and stayed to see the second-greatest homerun of all time–Carlton Fisk’s game winner.

In around 1980 I took my son Matthew to his first Major League game in Philadelphia. I still remember him walking out of the tunnel and seeing the field for the first time. He stood there and could only say “Wow!” What a moment that is! To see a Major League field for the first time!

I became clean and sober on June 2 1983. One year later I was glad I was sober. But my life was tepid. I had heard the phrase “Fake it ’til you make it.” I concluded that I lacked enthusiasm. So I decided I would pretend to be enthused. But about what? I knew it couldn’t be anything like world peace or poverty. I had recently been in a production of Golden Pond when the main character bemoans the fate of the Detroit Tigers. “That’s it” I thought. I’ll be enthused about baseball.

But you can’t just be enthused about baseball. You have to root for a specific team. After some reflection, I realized that it had to be the Boston Redsox. There was the Scranton Redsox farm team. Jimmy Piersall’s autograph. And my Uncle Joe whom I really loved was a rabid Redsox fan. So the Redsox it was! I went out and bought a Redsox cap and a new glove. I started reading the sports page, cursing when the Redsox lost, cheering when they won. It worked. My love of baseball and the Redsox has become a part of my life and that of all my family.

Since I’ve reconnected with baseball, I’ve added to my list of great moments I have seen. All were on TV and included Pete Rose breaking Ty Cobb’s record, Cal Ripkin breaking Lou Gehrig’s record, and Ichiro breaking George Sisler’s record. Two other memories stands out.

In 1989 I was visiting my parents in Scranton and my Dad and I decided to drive up to the Baseball Hall of Fame. My Mom wasn’t going to go until I told her that Red Schoendienst had just been inducted. She was a great fan of Red’s and so she came along. I can picture her standing before Red’s plaque saying “Good for Red.” I also spotted her looking at one of the statistics for Nolan Ryan. I said “Mom, you know who Nolan Ryan is?” She was slighted offended. Looking over her glasses, she said “Of course I know who Nolan Ryan is!”

The other memory happened outside of Fenway Park. My wife, sons Ben and Matt and I were waiting outside for a ballpark tour to begin. Two men walked by and I said to my son Matt “That looks like Dave Roberts!” Dave is beloved in RedSox lore because of The Steal. His steal of second base in the 2004 league playoffs turned the tide from near loss to four victories in a row over the hated Yankees. I called out to him and he set down his bag and came over to shake my hand. We chatted briefly and he went on his way. Dave has gone on to great success as the manger of the Dodgers. I hope he never loses his down-to-earth approachability.

I could also write abut baseball literature but that is for another time. For now I’ll just say that if you want to see a piece of great writing, read John Updike’s article “Kid Bids Hub Adieu”.

Baseball has enriched my life, given me a bond with my children and grandchildren. It has helped me reclaim enthusiasm, a gift I do not have and that I admire in those who come by it naturally. It is after all a gift and a spiritual one at that. I hope you are blessed with that gift. If not, perhaps you can cultivate it as I did thanks to baseball.

In that spirit, I leave you with this great baseball song by John Fogerty

Reflection: About what are you enthused?

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On Speaking Out

Posted on January 28, 2025 by richp45198

I have been writing this blog for over ten years and rarely have I written about anything political. That has largely been because of what I perceive to be a lack of intelligent political discourse these days. This is due not only to the tactics of Donald Trump but to a disturbing reinterpretation of Christianity, a trend made more apparent through the uproar over the sermon of Marian Edgar Budde as directed at Donald Trump. In her sermon, she respectfully asked Trump to deal with both the immigration issue and matters relating to sexual identity with compassion, not judgment. Trump responded not with some intelligent perspective on those issues but by calling Rev. Budde a “left-wing Trump-hater.”

Similarly the US Catholic Bishops have issued a statement challenging Trump’s plans to deport thousands of immigrants. While the Church accepts Trump’s negative stance regarding sexual identity diversity, the Bishops nonetheless have challenged the President, this in spite of the fact that a significant right wing has developed within the Church.

I admire her courage and that of the Bishops.. In these days with Trump elected and clearly having an agenda of payback to political enemies, there is more at stake for those who speak up. There are those who support Trump and who respond to such things as Budde’s sermon with threats of violence. She has even been accused of being “un-Christian.” The response from the laity to the Bishops’ statement remains to be seen. So far Vice President Vance has accused the Bishops of supporting migrants because of concerns regarding the “bottom line” i.e., money.

We have also seen various police officers and organizations criticize Trump for his pardoning of Jan 6 rioters, some of whom were already convicted and jailed for violence against law enforcement personnel. I read of one police officer who spoke up only to have some MAGA supporters throw shit at his mother’s house.

There is a long history of Christians who suffered for speaking out. The most obvious is Jesus Himself who was condemned and executed for speaking out against religious and government leaders. Since then, Christians such as Dietrich Bonhoeffer, Dorothy Day, Daniel Berrigan and others have suffered imprisonment and even death.

The era of McCarthyism has multiple examples of persons condemned for speaking out. Reporter Edward R. Murrow was labelled as a Communist for his public challenge of Sen Joseph McCarthy. Others such as folk singer Pete Seeger lost their livelihood for many years. Sadly, the current political atmosphere has some uncomfortable parallels to the age of McCarthyism.

The biggest challenge to most of us is the feeling of powerlessness. Yes, we can write letters. And, yes we can joins protests. And yes we can jeopardize friendships by speaking out. What threatens those thoughts, though, is the thought “What difference does it make?”

My own belief is that, as legal challenges begin, the issues of the day will ultimately be resolved for better or worse by a Supreme Court that is in part made up of ultra-conservative Catholics..

How am I as a Christian supposed to respond? My Christian beliefs suggest that I should respond with compassion both to the oppressed and to the oppressor. Yes, I can hold the oppressor accountable yet at the same time convey compassion for whatever is dark within that person.

As Christians, we are called to speak up but also to do so with respect. Name-calling much less throwing bags of shit are hardly Christian responses.

The issues of the day also challenge us to discern without passion what we really believe. What should I as a Christian believe about such issues as immigration, inclusivity, the death penalty, or caring for the environment to highlight only a few of the issues generating passionate responses these days? How should I as a Christian respond to those who hold a different point of view about these issues? Do I respond out of anger to hypocrisy or do I strive to hate the sin but love the sinner?

There is a great need for spiritual renewal in our deeply divided country. Hopefully that spiritual renewal an be based on the message of Jesus as seen in the Beatitudes. This, after all, is His central message on how we are to treat one another.

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On Folk Music

Posted on January 11, 2025 by richp45198

Folk music has been on my mind and heart, partially because of the film “A Complete Unknown” and also because of the death of Peter Yarrow of Peter, Paul, and Mary.

The songs of Bob Dylan, Peter, Paul and Mary, Pete Seegar, Joan Baez and others played a significant role in my own spiritual journey. Their songs challenged me to look at my own beliefs about racism, about poverty, and especially about war. Beyond that, they were songs that connected me to others as we would gather at my high school and sing together. And today at a time when our own country is in the midst of a serious spiritual crisis, perhaps they are songs that can speak again to us.

As we face a dramatic change in social values and as judgment of those who are different is fast becoming the rule, the words from Bob Dylan’s “The Times They Are A’changin'” seem relevant:

Come gather 'round people
Wherever you roam
And admit that the waters
Around you have grown
And accept it that soon
You'll be drenched to the bone.
If your time to you
Is worth savin'
Then you better start swimmin'
Or you'll sink like a stone
For the times they are a-changin'.

Divisiveness is the order of the day. Folks songs that celebrate our unity as a nation seem unrealistic. Can you imagine persons of the left- and right-wings joining hands and singing “This Land Is Your Land”? This, by the way, is a song that got Pete Seeger in trouble with Sen. Joseph McCarthy and his Communist-hunting cronies. Were he still with us, he would now be labelled as a socialist and condemned.

Some of the folk songs were songs of protest, “We Shall Overcome” being perhaps the signature protest song of the 60s. As our government continues to move in a repressive direction, voices of protest may become more important but those same voices of protest run the risk of the type of blacklisting experienced by Pete Seeger, Woody Guthrie and others.

Are there folks singers since the 60s? That of course depends on one’s definition. Given that folk songs also tell a story while conveying a message, I would also consider Harry Chapin and Tracy Chapman to be folk singers whose songs convey a message. Harry Chapin’s song “Mister Tanner” tells of the heartbreak of pursuing one’s dreams while his better known “Cat’s in the Cradle” speaks to the price we pay for putting achievement ahead of family. Tracy Chapman’s “Fast Car” speaks eloquently to a dream of escaping from poverty and the inner city.

In these troubled times, I believe we desperately need folk singers as well as a rediscovery of the classic folk songs. We need songs about the widening gap between the rich and the poor. We need songs about ongoing racism and antisemitism. We need songs about power-hungry politicians. We need songs about the widening gap between religion and the challenges of daily life.

How have folk songs impacted my spiritual journey? They challenged me to open my eyes and face the racism within my own family much less in society in general. They challenged me to embrace non-violence in the face of my own tendencies to fighting. And the great hymn/folk song “Amazing Grace” has become a beacon of recovery from addiction.

Here then is a sampling of some great songs and singers.

Harry Belafonte sang memorable folk songs, including this African song sung with the Muppets

And finally Judy Collins sings a beautiful “Amazing Grace”

If you have a favorite folk song, feel free to add a link in your comment.

Reflection: How had folk music impacted your own journey?

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Veteran Suicides

Posted on December 18, 2024 by richp45198

I recently watched a film titled “The Keeper”. It tells the true story of combat veteran George Eshleman and his journey along the Appalachian Trail. Veteran Eshleman travelled the Trail carrying the names of 363 veterans who had committed suicide, hoping to heighten awareness of that national tragedy as well as face some of his own demons.

Eshleman made that journey in 2016. Sadly, since then veteran suicides have only increased. The VA report of 2023 indicates 6392 veteran suicides that year.

You may have heard the figure of 22 veteran suicides a day. A day! Some challenge the accuracy of that figure yet the counterpoint is the likelihood that veteran suicides are underreported.

The VA system has tried to respond to this crisis with programs such as the Veteran Crisis Line. Veterans can call 988 then press 1 to be connected with a crisis counselor. The original Crisis Line number of 1-800-273-8255 can also be used. According to the VA, over the past two years over 2 million vets have used that number.

And yet the number of veteran suicides continues to increase. There are millions more depressed and troubled veterans who are unwilling or unable to reach out and so battle regular thoughts of suicide.

If we are to help our veterans, we need to try to understand why suicide becomes an option for them. A compelling reason for some is the reality that veterans who have gone to war may return finding it hard to “fit in”. Many feel changed. How could they not be? Some vets tell me that they can no longer socialize the way they used to since they now find crowds and gatherings a threat. Non-veterans may wonder why, thinking that they are clearly safe. Some veterans themselves will be puzzled by such a change.

Some veterans feel isolated, believing that no one but another combat vet can understand what they are going through. Yet their access to brother and sister veterans may be limited.

Some veterans struggle with living with the realities of modern warfare. In modern combat situations, some will put a child in the middle of a road, planning an attack when the military vehicle stops. One soldier told me he was ordered not to stop, the result being the death of the child. He voiced thoughts of suicide as a way of quieting the guilt and horrifying images that haunted him.

For some, the symptoms of PTSD become intolerable. Suicide presents the possibility that the nightmares and flashbacks will stop. A significant number of veterans turn to alcohol and drugs to quiet these symptoms. They may realize that such solutions are temporary.

Tragic too is the impact of veteran suicide on loved ones. Those family members I have met with are burdened by a sense of guilt and failure. “I should have known. I should have done something” is a common response of family.

Many non-veterans will say “Can’t the VA help them?” Those of us who are veterans know that the VA system is overwhelmed. Many suicidal veterans are in need of regular counseling. An overwhelmed VA system can’t always provide an acceptable level of care. When I recently asked a veteran suffering from severe PTSD how often he saw his VA counselor, he said “Once a month.” Beyond that, we veterans as a group take time to develop the level of trust required to make counseling effective. Too many veterans have told me “I just started to open up when the counselor told me he/she couldn’t see me anymore because they were being transferred. I can’t go through starting all over again with another counselor.”

The VA Mission Act of Donald Trump’s first administration tried to improve the VA response to veteran mental health issues by making it easier for veterans to receive help outside the VA. That program has had mixed results and in fact some veterans with whom I have spoken are not aware of that option. It appears likely that Trump’s new administration will continue to move VA services in that direction. This is referred to as “privatization.” Veterans and veteran groups will be keeping watch on the actions of the new administration and new VA Secretary in this regard.

Yet amidst likely back-and-forth on the VA and privatization, the number of veteran suicides continues to climb.

And then there are our female veterans. Some have been traumatized by combat but some have been traumatized by sexual harassment and assault. Despite the government’s claim to be responding to this issue, I continue to hear from female veterans that the system does not respond and in many ways continues to cover issues up by transferring perpetrators or giving them early retirement with full benefits. As one recent female veteran told me, when she went to her commanding officer to complain of sexual assault from a senior NCO, the commander asked her if she really wanted to “ruin his career.” Nothing was done.

Finally some veterans hesitate to seek help for fear of branded as “mentally ill”. Yes, the stigma of mental illness is still out there.

I have no dramatic solution. I wish I did. Mental health practitioners continue to develop and claim as effective newer psychotherapies including the use of virtual reality. Other innovative approaches have been developed by veterans themselves. Project Healing Waters helps veteran through fly fishing. There are programs encouraging veterans to heal through artistic expression. Other programs foster healing through the outdoors, something that George Eshleman accomplished. Horsemanship has been utilized with veterans. These and other creative approaches offer hope. The problem for the veteran is awareness of and access to such programs.

What we all have to offer to our veterans is the gift of listening. Many, many veterans simply want to tell their story to someone who is willing to listen. Not advice. Not prayer. Just listening. We may not all be counselors but simply sitting with a veteran as he/she shares their story matters. In a manner as unpatronizing as possible, we need to remind our veterans they are not alone.

Here then is a preview from “The Keeper” It tells a story not just of one man but of the 363 he honored as well the untold numbers of veterans in our midst who are suffering alone.

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Spiritual Mentors: Harold Kushner

Posted on December 4, 2024 by richp45198

The other day I was roaming through a used bookstore and came across an old friend. I found a book titled “Overcoming Life’s Disappointments” by Harold Kushner. I have written here about other spiritual mentors. Rabbi Kushner’s impact on my life was in many ways more personal.

For most of my life, I have struggled with the Why question, especially as it applied to the deaths of my two infant sisters. I would ask my mother “Why did God do this to us?” She would simply say “Well, some of us have heavier crosses to bear.” Her answer may have comforted her but it never worked for me.

As I became immersed in my work as a psychotherapist, I would regularly encounter the Why question, both from clients and within myself. In my search for answers, I found out that the whole Why question generated a theological area of study known as theodicy.

I can’t remember if it was recommended to me or I came across it myself but somewhere in the early 1980s I encountered a book titled When Bad Things Happen to Good People. I viewed my parents as well as my clients good people to whom some very tragic events had happened. Kushner’s book challenged some traditional notions of my Catholicism regarding the Why question. And I found great comfort in Kushner’s words.

What immediately got my attention was Kushner’s humble sharing. He states that, early in his work as a rabbi, he would counsel people who had suffered tragedy, using some of the more typical responses of religion. But then tragedy struck him and his family when his young son contracted a rare disease and died. Kushner states he revisited all the answers he’d used previously and found no comfort. Thus, began his own personal journey confronting the Why question.

His most challenging yet comforting insight was that perhaps God did not cause everything that happened in our lives. I had been raised to believe in an all-powerful God Whose will guided everything, even the bad things. But suppose some bad things just happen.

Kushner did not stop there. He further suggested that, although God may not cause the bad things in my life, He/She is there as a source of comfort and hope.

Kushner’s words helped me on multiple fronts. One young man in particular stands in my memory as someone Kushner would reach out to. This young man had been diagnosed with AIDS long before medication were developed that contained the HIV virus. After speaking with him and his mother, I asked to speak to the young man alone. I asked him if he had any questions about AIDS. He said “Yes, I have a question. Why did God do this to me? I haven’t had sex. Haven’t done drugs. Why?” I told him I really didn’t have an answer but that I did believe that God does not cause all the bad things that happen to us and that I didn’t believe God gave him AIDS. It just happened as a result of a bad batch of blood. I told him that it was OK to be angry, even angry at God. I wish I could tell you that this had a dramatic impact. Sadly, this young man died a few weeks later.

I have written abut anger with God before. And, yes, there are still those who believe I am wrong for arguing with and questioning God. I continue to take great comfort from what may be my favorite book in the Bible — the book of Job. In studying this book, I found very helpful another book by Harold Kushner — The Book of Job: When Bad Things Happened to a Good Man..

Job demands to know from God why bad things are happening to him and in fact demands that God show up and explain Himself. And God shows up! Interestingly, as best I can tell, God never really answers Job’s question. But, as Kushner points out, it seems that God showing up was what comforted Job. Personally when I allow myself to argue with God, somehow that is a comfort. Despite my anger or perhaps because of it, I feel God’s presence. Once again, Harold Kushner provided me with some comfort.

I leave you with a wonderful clip from the film Tender Mercies. You may want to reflect on what you would say to the Robert Duvall character or, for that matter, to the boy I spoke about earlier. I don’t have an answer for them but somehow Harold Kushner’s words make that easier to accept.

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