The other day I was roaming through a used bookstore and came across an old friend. I found a book titled “Overcoming Life’s Disappointments” by Harold Kushner. I have written here about other spiritual mentors. Rabbi Kushner’s impact on my life was in many ways more personal.
For most of my life, I have struggled with the Why question, especially as it applied to the deaths of my two infant sisters. I would ask my mother “Why did God do this to us?” She would simply say “Well, some of us have heavier crosses to bear.” Her answer may have comforted her but it never worked for me.
As I became immersed in my work as a psychotherapist, I would regularly encounter the Why question, both from clients and within myself. In my search for answers, I found out that the whole Why question generated a theological area of study known as theodicy.
I can’t remember if it was recommended to me or I came across it myself but somewhere in the early 1980s I encountered a book titled When Bad Things Happen to Good People. I viewed my parents as well as my clients good people to whom some very tragic events had happened. Kushner’s book challenged some traditional notions of my Catholicism regarding the Why question. And I found great comfort in Kushner’s words.
What immediately got my attention was Kushner’s humble sharing. He states that, early in his work as a rabbi, he would counsel people who had suffered tragedy, using some of the more typical responses of religion. But then tragedy struck him and his family when his young son contracted a rare disease and died. Kushner states he revisited all the answers he’d used previously and found no comfort. Thus, began his own personal journey confronting the Why question.
His most challenging yet comforting insight was that perhaps God did not cause everything that happened in our lives. I had been raised to believe in an all-powerful God Whose will guided everything, even the bad things. But suppose some bad things just happen.
Kushner did not stop there. He further suggested that, although God may not cause the bad things in my life, He/She is there as a source of comfort and hope.
Kushner’s words helped me on multiple fronts. One young man in particular stands in my memory as someone Kushner would reach out to. This young man had been diagnosed with AIDS long before medication were developed that contained the HIV virus. After speaking with him and his mother, I asked to speak to the young man alone. I asked him if he had any questions about AIDS. He said “Yes, I have a question. Why did God do this to me? I haven’t had sex. Haven’t done drugs. Why?” I told him I really didn’t have an answer but that I did believe that God does not cause all the bad things that happen to us and that I didn’t believe God gave him AIDS. It just happened as a result of a bad batch of blood. I told him that it was OK to be angry, even angry at God. I wish I could tell you that this had a dramatic impact. Sadly, this young man died a few weeks later.
I have written abut anger with God before. And, yes, there are still those who believe I am wrong for arguing with and questioning God. I continue to take great comfort from what may be my favorite book in the Bible — the book of Job. In studying this book, I found very helpful another book by Harold Kushner — The Book of Job: When Bad Things Happened to a Good Man..
Job demands to know from God why bad things are happening to him and in fact demands that God show up and explain Himself. And God shows up! Interestingly, as best I can tell, God never really answers Job’s question. But, as Kushner points out, it seems that God showing up was what comforted Job. Personally when I allow myself to argue with God, somehow that is a comfort. Despite my anger or perhaps because of it, I feel God’s presence. Once again, Harold Kushner provided me with some comfort.
I leave you with a wonderful clip from the film Tender Mercies. You may want to reflect on what you would say to the Robert Duvall character or, for that matter, to the boy I spoke about earlier. I don’t have an answer for them but somehow Harold Kushner’s words make that easier to accept.
