On Famous People whose Deaths Touched Me Deeply

The other night my wife and I watched a documentary titled “Won’t You Be My Neighbor?” It tells the story of Fred Rogers in a very touching way. As we talked about the film, I realized that I had been effected by his passing in a way deeper than the sadness I might feel when someone dies whom I admire.

Here then are 5 people whose lives touched me at a deep level.

Fred Rogers

When Mister Rogers died, I felt that a great light had gone out in an otherwise very dark world. I wonder what he would have to say about this very dark time in our land?

Mickey Mantle

Image result for mickey mantle

Yes, I know. A Yankee? Indeed I am an avid Boston Redsox fan. But as a boy growing up in northeast Pennsylvania, I especially loved great ballplayers. Mickey was one of the best. I think as with many men my age, his passing represented the loss of our boyhoods. The loss of dreams. The progression of life. I was sad over the passing of other great ballplayers. Ted Williams, Yogi Berra. Red Schoendienst. But Mickey’s passing touched a deeper spot.

John Denver

Other musicians’ passing also saddened me. Mary Travers. Don Williams. Yes, even Elvis. But the Music of John Denver spoke to me deeply and so his unexpected death struck deeply. In the summer of my own 27th year, I felt born. I was coming into my own as a therapist. I had my first personal therapy experience and began to face some of my own pain. Thus “Rocky Mountain High” had major significance. Other of his songs spoke to me, especially “Looking for Space”, which helped me grieve the loss of a loved one and also articulated much of my own spirituality. There is an enduring image of him from the concert my wife and I saw here in El Paso — the image of him standing alone on the stage at the end of his concert singing “This Old Guitar.”

Robert Kennedy

Image result for robert kennedy

One evening in June 1968 I had stayed up quite late watching the returns of the Democratic primary in California. I was excited that Robert Kennedy had one and, right after he said “So it’s on to Chicago and let’s win there”, I turned off the TV and went to bed. When I came downstairs the next morning, my mother said “Robert Kennedy was hot last night. He’s dying.” When he died, much of my political idealism died with him. I had read his book “To Seek a Newer World” and was greatly affected by his idealistic approach to such key issues as race, poverty, and the war in Viet Nam. The 1960s was the era of assassinations and the losses of JFK and Martin Luther King had greatly affected me. But when Bobby Kennedy died, I felt something deeper die with him.

Gregory Peck and Atticus Finch

Gregory Peck was a great actor who gave us many wonderful performances. But for me he was and always will be Atticus Finch. The novel To Kill a Mockingbird is about the only novel which, when I finished reading it, I turned back to the first page and read it again. Similarly, after I first saw the movie, the next night I went back and saw it again. Beyond its important lessons on bigotry, the movie and Atticus Finch gave me a role model that helped me shape my own fatherhood. And so when Gregory Peck and with him Atticus Finch died, I felt I had lost a mentor.

As I said above, deaths of famous people have touched me in many ways. I grieve the four I mention here and am grateful that, from a distance and unknown to them, they touched my life.

Reflection: Who is on your list and how did they touch your life?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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The Church and Betrayal: A Reaction to the Pennsylvania Grand Jury Report

Twenty years ago, I wrote an article for America magazine titled “My Church is Dying”. It offended some people and got me into some trouble within the El Paso diocese. Sadly, I am not convinced that the phoenix has risen from the dust since I wrote that article. The Pennsylvania Grand Jury Report gave me some painful insight as to why.

To be clear, I was never molested by a Catholic priest. There was the time as a teenager I was visiting at a seminary and roomed with a seminarian who, during the night, tried to fondle me. I put an end to that by yelling “What the f–ck do you think you’re doing?” That apparently scared him off. It was an early contact with the dark side of the Church.

In El Paso in the late 1980s I began to treat persons who had been molested and even assaulted by priests. During that time, the mother of one of those victims referred me to a book titled Lead Us Not Into Temptation.  This book focused on incidents of clergy abuse and was a further eye-opener. The diocese of El Paso at that time was doing nothing to identify perpetrators or to help victims. I played a role in creating a response but paid the price of being labelled “an enemy of the Church”.

I have seen the film Spotlight several times and been moved by by the pain of the victims and by the appalling arrogance of the Church hierarchy. Most diocese now have in place some form of outreach to victims. Many dioceses also now screen diocesan employees and volunteers for any sort of criminal background. In many parishes, there is increased attention to liability.

Yesterday I learned of the report of the Pennsylvania Grand Jury on the clergy abuse issues. The stories of cover-ups were appalling but unfortunately not new. One of the diocese discussed was the Scranton diocese, the one in which I grew up. A list of priests found to have committed acts of abuse in that diocese was included. I knew 4 of the names on that list. One of the priests was well-known to me. He had enlisted me to teach younger boys how to be altar boys, a role that was a big honor. He also found me a summer job. He never laid a hand on me but the news that he was a convicted pedophile undercut my memories of him. What I often thought of as kindness was now undermined by the thought that he was grooming me. I don’t know that for a fact but I wonder. What I do feel today is that much of what I experienced as positive as a young Catholic has been undercut by patterns of lying and distortion by the Catholic powers-that-be.

Mind you, I have been blessed with knowing many fine priests — dedicated, deeply spiritual men who wanted only to be of service. Some of these men I actually regard as saintly. And I understand that offending priests are a minority. My problem is with a hierarchy that acted out of self-protection, in flagrant violation of Christ’s teachings, thereby undermining their message.

Victims of clergy abuse have suffered betrayal at multiple levels. The damage, however, goes beyond those victims and touches all of us who are Catholic. We too feel betrayed, not so much by the perpetrators but by the hierarchy that covered up the crimes and that now is often guided by “damage control”. As one Catholic friend observes, the Church is now run by lawyers.

As an institution, we have lost our way. We are all at fault. We laity rely too much on clergy to guide us on the spiritual path. We need to respond to betrayal by taking responsibility for our own spiritual paths and moral compasses, viewing clergy as resources but not final words. We need to decide what if anything being Catholic means to each one of us at this point. Are we Catholic out of habit? Out of fear? Or is there something still there for us?

Sadly I continue to believe that my Church is dying. Yet I continue to hold onto the hope that we must first die to something to be renewed. That renewal, however, needs to come from we laity. After all, the Church starts with us.

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Excerpt from “Mysticism for the Masses”

I’d like to share with you an excerpt from my article “Mysticism for the Masses” that appears in the August issue of St. Anthony Messenger. If you’d like to receive a copy of the full article, e-mail me at <richp45198@aol.com>

We can’t manufacture them (mystical experiences) as much as we might try. The best that we can do is to remain open. This is a hard lesson for me as I like to be in control. Thus, one time I headed out to the Guadalupe Mountains about 90 miles from El Paso. I had been to this place often and had some remarkable mystical encounters with various wildlife. On this particular day, I set out planning to have such a mystical experience. None happened. As I prepared to follow the trail down from the mountains, I thought “It’s not going to happen today” and let go of the expectation. Believe it or not, in that moment of letting go, I took a last look around and there was a young deer watching me! I could almost hear God chuckling. Only by accepting that I was unable to manufacture a mystical experience could I become open to one.

Many of these experiences have indeed come to me when I have been away from day-to-day living. So, to become a mystic, must I become like Henry Thoreau or John Muir and retreat to the wilderness? Here Rabbi David Wolpe’s notion of “the normal mystic” is very helpful: “In the eye of another human being, in the daily activity of average people, the normal mystic seeks the presence of God. ..The normal mystic looks at life as you and I know it, but with an acute eye, one that tracks the almost imperceptible or often overlooked suggestion of God in every corner, at each turn.” (The Healer of Shattered Hearts, 1990, p. 81). Recalling James’ comment about passivity, Wolpe helps us see that we nonetheless can pay attention!

Wolpe’s reflections also remind us that we can sense God’s presence in the ordinary as well as the spectacular. Essential to mystical experience is the sense of connection, not only to God in some transpersonal way but to also God in the angry driver in the car next to me, to the homeless veteran on the street corner, to the brother or sister addict struggling to get on the path of recovery. Clearly I feel connected to the people I love. But mystical experience reminds me we are all connected and that the source of that connection is found in God.

Here we begin to get a sense as to why people are not in such a hurry to pursue the Mystic’s Way. If I truly aspire to become a mystic, then I am embracing not just the wonder. I am embracing the pain. For to feel a connection is to feel pain as well as wonder. Mystical experience may be the experience of wonder but it also can be the experience of deep compassion that is grounded in a faith that understands God’s presence in pain.

I encourage you to become open to the possibility of mysticism as a special faith-enriching part of your spiritual journey. You don’t have to go to a monastery or even to a National Park. Just pay attention and remember that God is a God of plenty. Monasteries and National Parks can indeed be doorways to the Divine. But there are just as many doorways to the Divine in your hometown. That’s how God planned it.

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On the Stories of Our Childhood

It has been said that we can gain insight into our adult personality by reflecting on our favorite stories from childhood — that those stories would reflect themes that would come to occupy a central place in our lives. Maybe so. A the very least, it can be fun to revisit those stories. I have two.

Image result for ferdinand the bull

I still have my original copy of The Story of Ferdinand complete with scribbling done by my brother when he was mad at me. It is a story about being different and coming to accept ourselves as we are and not as others think we should be. It also is a wonderful metaphor for non-violence. For me, though, Ferdinand reflected my own introversion. As all the other bulls would run and jump, Ferdinand would just sit under his favorite cork tree and smell the flowers. Many of us introverts grow up believing that our quietness and desire for solitude are aberrations. Somehow at an early age Ferdinand reassured me that it was OK to like being alone and enjoy simple things. And let me go on record and say that I can’t stand the Walt Disney cartoon version or the more recent full-length movie. The story of Ferdinand is simple and profound as is.

The second book that I read multiple times was The Story of Doctor Doolittle.

Image result for the story of doctor dolittle

This story captivated me not only because Doctor Doolittle could talk to animals but because he loved adventure. I think that this appealed to the dreamer inside of me and I think it also helped me believe in magic and wonder. The talking animals as well as the great adventures encouraged me to look beyond the situation as it is and to seek out the situation as it could be. I hope I never lose that child-like capacity to wonder and to dream. Perhaps it was no accident that the first date I had with my wife was the movie version of Doctor Doolittle with Rex Harrison.

The world has gotten complicated and, for many, has lost its magic, reflected perhaps in current popular children’s books with titles like Walter the Farting Dog and Captain Underpants. For that reason I sent my newest grandson his copy of Ferdinand.

Reflection: What are some favorite stories from your childhood? What themes did they foreshadow?

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On Scripture and Politicians

Tornillo Texas is on the outskirts of my hometown of El Paso and currently is housing hundreds of children who were separated from their parents while crossing the border. There has been a huge outcry such that the government is now claiming that these children will be reunited with their parents. In the midst of this crisis Attorney General Jeff Sessions used a quote from the Bible to essentially tell us to be quiet and obey the government.

Politicians quoting from any sort of Scripture is problematic. In part, it seems to fly in the face of the idea of separation of church and state. But more offensive to me is the indiscriminate use of scripture to justify some controversial government programs.

Regarding the Bible, I have read it 5 times and find it to be an impressive but complicated book in which it is easy to take quotes out of context to justify a political position. For example, in exhorting us to behave and support the government in its decisions regarding immigrants, Mr. Sessions conveniently avoided other parts of the Bible. The Book of Deuteronomy for example tells us that God “Loves the foreigners living among you and gives them food and clothing. So too you must show love to foreigners.” The Gospel of Matthew quotes Jesus as saying “I was a stranger and you took me in.” These and other parts of scripture were conveniently  ignored by Mr. Sessions.

In a letter I recently wrote to the New York Times I suggested a constitutional amendment to prevent politicians from quoting the Bible, Torah, Quran or any other sacred writings. These issues before us are complicated and while we need to respond in a manner consistent with any holy scripture, the dialogue is not advanced by politicians quoting such scripture.

I am all for persons of power governing from a spiritual perspective. Lord knows they need the help of God, Yahweh, Allah and any other spiritual beings to govern with wisdom and not get caught up in the Dark Side of power. I just don’t trust that they will quote scripture to further the dialogue. As Shakespeare said, “The Devil can cite scripture for his purpose.”

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On Heroes: Red Schoendienst

I wanted to repost this in memory of Red who crossed over at age 95.

Psyche and Spirit/Richard B. Patterson PhD

Red SchoendienstWhen we are young, we often find heroes and heroines — people of some note who in some way manifest qualities we hope to acquire. For males of my generation, many of those heroes were either cowboys or athletes or both. As such, some of my boyhood heroes included Jimmy Piersall, Shane, and Hopalong Cassidy. And Red Schoendienst.

Red played a significant role in my life. He provided an early example of courage in the face of hardship. Later he provided a connection with my mother.

Red had a Hall-of-Fame career as a second baseman and then as a coach and manager. At the time he became a hero, he was playing for the Milwaukee Braves. His career, however, came to a halt because of a bout of tuberculosis. But he came back.

I remember seeing the game in  which he returned from his illness and came to bat as…

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On Memorial Day

I am not a combat veteran, a fact that I communicate to the many combat veterans I see through my work. However, as one vet reminded me before giving me a hug, I am a veteran and so I am a brother.

For many veterans, this is a very difficult weekend where memories they don’t like to recall crowd in. Friends killed before their eyes. Dying children. Word of another vet committing suicide.

My many hours with these heroic men and women have convinced me of the evils of war. There has got to be a better way to settle our differences yet I fear that Plato was right when he wrote “Only the dead have seen the end of war.”

I deal with men and women whose minds and spirits have been battered by war. I have dealt with some who considered ending their lives or even attempted it. Without exception, all considered this step only because they were weary from the pain. Images of body parts of buddies. Smells of explosives and blood. Sounds of taps heard too many times. A loss of faith.

Did you know that the statistic for veterans who commit suicide remains at over 20 EACH DAY?? Yet wars go on, VA mental health clinics are overwhelmed, and too many cries for help go unheard. I do indeed honor our heroes who sacrificed their lives in combat. But I also honor the many men and women who ended their own lives, having grown tired from the weight of war.

So if you know a troubled vet, reach out to him or her. Listen. Many combat vets simply want to tell their stories without facing judgment, especially the Viet Nam veterans wounded not just by war but by spit and shouts of “Baby killer!” upon their returns to home. Don’t simply tell a vet “Thank you for your service.” Ask him or her “How are you doing?” with interest and attention.

I hate war and what it has done to too many beautiful people. But I am also a brother who salutes his fellow brothers and sisters and who honors the memory of other brothers and sisters whose lives ended because of war.

I share this great Trace Adkins song in their memory.

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On a Mother’s Faith

For those of us who have lost our Moms, every Mothers’ Day is hard. I thought I’d post this again as a loving tribute to Genevieve McDonald Patterson.

Psyche and Spirit/Richard B. Patterson PhD

Over the years and in various writings, I have alluded to my mother’s faith as a source of inspiration for me. On this eve of Mothers’ Day, she is on my mind and so I thought there might be some value in elaborating on the simple yet profound faith she lived.

The cornerstone of my mother’s faith had to do with facing tragedy. When my mother was 6 years old, her own mother died in the flu epidemic of 1918-19. My grandfather never remarried and so my mother, the second youngest of 7 children, suffered a grievous loss. It would not be the first.

My mother had hoped for a big family. She had my brother and then looked forward to the birth of her second child. This girl was born with spina bifida, a disease that at that time was fatal. Patricia lived only a few days. After me…

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Spiritual Life According to Georges Seurat

At the conclusion of the first act of the musical production Sunday in the Park with George, we watch the visual representation of the creative process of the artist Georges Seurat that results in the magnificent painting “A Sunday on La Grande Jatte”, pictured here.

As Seurat (played by Mandy Patinkin), undertakes the painting, he verbalizes the principles that guide his creative process. It occurs to me that, given that spirituality is greatly connected to creativity, these principles might point toward an understanding of spiritual growth. Here then is spirituality according to Georges Seurat:

  1. Order. I greatly lack self-discipline. Always have. Yet it has become clear to me that my spiritual path requires some order by which I mean consistency. I cannot simply “be spiritual” whenever I feel like it. My spiritual path requires discipline and consistency if it is to bear benefit. I need a spiritual practice, be it reading scripture, meditating or praying,  charitable work, or other manifestations of the journey. and I need to perform these and other spiritual acts on a regular basis. Much like physical exercise, the spiritual path requires regular work-outs.
  2. Design. Here I must address how much structure my spiritual practice requires to include the role of organized religion. For some, organized religion is at the center of their journey. For others, it is peripheral if present at all. Further, some work with structured prayers and readings while others rely on meditation. Finally, I must also decide what if any room I make for thoughts from other religions and philosophies.
  3. Tension. Life is sufficiently confusing that, if I am not struggling in some spiritual way, I have adopted a soft safe spiritual path. If I am truly living out a spiritual life, I should be struggling with questions such as the reality of suffering or my purpose for being here. A spiritual path without tension is in danger of becoming stagnant. As a Jewish theologian said, if I am not arguing with God about something, there is a problem with my spirituality
  4. Balance. Many religions and philosophies espouse the importance of balance. For me, this is reflected in the challenge found in many religions to love my neighbor as myself.  Love of self is not narcissism. It involves not only celebration of my gifts but a hard honest inventory of my failings. In other words, it involves seeing myself as bot Saint and Sinner.
  5. Harmony. This quality ensures that my spirituality is truly interpersonal. As an introvert, I am drawn to solitary practice. But the principle of harmony reminds me that, if my practice does not bring me back into the world as a practitioner of peace and compassion, then my practice is mere narcissism.

I invite you, then, to reflect on how you are doing spiritually following Seurat’s guidelines for creativity. The results may not be as grand as Seurat’s magnificent painting but can hopefully bring you peace, satisfaction, and a bit of the kind of joy I feel when watching this beautiful scene.

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Gander, Newfoundland

Until recently, I’d never heard of Gander,  a Newfoundland town. Then I heard about a broadway musical called Come From Away. That in turn pointed me toward a book titled The Day the World Came to Town; 9/11 in Gander, Newfoundland.

On that terrible day in 2001, airspace over the United States was closed and planes were directed to land immediately. One of the challenges was for planes flying to the States from Europe. Many were directed to Canada. 38 were directed to the airport in Gander, a town of some ten thousand people. Within a matter of hours, their population was increased by over six thousand. No one knew how long these visitors would be on the ground but, as the day progressed, it became clear that the passengers weren’t leaving anytime soon.

The story of how the people of Gander rose to the challenge of providing food and shelter for the passengers is one of the great stories of our time. Among other things, I realized how much I take for granted — taking a shower, having my medications available, having a bed and a blanket, being able to call a loved one. The story of those five days includes things I never would have thought of. As an ex-smoker, for example, I know how uncomfortable nicotine withdrawal can be!

The responsiveness and resourcefulness of the people of Gander is truly impressive. Pharmacists came together to get passengers their prescriptions (one thousand were filled the first day!) Veterinarians came together to tend to pets in the baggage section.  They even found a way to provide Orthodox Jewish passengers with kosher food.

The passengers’ time in Gander is filled with profound personal moments. Villagers responding with compassion to a couple with a firefighter son gone missing after the Towers collapsed.  Two couples trying to console children they’d adopted in Russia. A rabbi making himself available to speak with a villager who had hid his Jewish background.

I am drawn to this story because it offers hope. I and you have been in situations of powerlessness and fear only to have an angel intervene with a tangible offer of help. In Gander, the entire town responded. It is reassuring to know that, during a time that is otherwise typified by senseless violence and self-centered politics, there are some good people in the world. Not saints but simple down-to-earth folks who, on a dark day, responded with true lovingkindness. Mister Rogers once encouraged us to look for “the helpers” during bad times. He would be pleased to know of the people of Gander.

Reflection: What has your experience been with helpers during dark days?

For your enjoyment: Here is a scene from Come From Away. Enjoy. And yes the passengers did establish a scholarship fund for Gander!

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