How to be a Bad Christian

Posted on May 8, 2024 by richp45198

The other day I was conversing with a man who had seen considerable combat and was judging himself for some of the things he did during combat. I asked him whether he had a spiritual perspective and he said “I am a bad Christian.”

These days there are many prominent people who present themselves as good Christians. One views himself as a good enough Christian that he endorsed a specific version of the Bible that also includes the Declaration of Independence as well as the lyrics to a song that celebrates the United States. Another recently stated she received word from God that certain natural events were God’s punishment.. A prominent actor presents himself as a spokesperson against what he sees as negative tendencies in the Catholic Church. A Catholic Bishop takes it upon himself to condemn the Pope. There are others.

At a less political level, I have known many Christians who believe their path is the correct one and that persons on other paths, Christian or otherwise, are at least misguided if not condemned.

Here then is an inventory if you will of what constitutes a bad Christian:

  1. A bad Christian does not propose that he/she has all the answers. Rather the bad Christian will struggle with questions and doubts and will be comfortable with a statement by psychiatrist Abraham Twerski: “In spirituality, the searching is the finding and the pursuit is the achievement.”
  2. A bad Christian tries not to be judgmental of others, accepting others even if they make moral choices different than my own. Thus, the bad Christian may not be in agreement but nonetheless does not judge those of a different sexual identity. He/she does not judge those who have had an abortion. And he/she does not assume the worst about the immigrant.
  3. A bad Christian is open to questioning religious authority. Some good Christians have attacked those who made outcries of clergy abuse and made excuses or minimized the Church’s role. One good Christian I know of minimized the clergy abuse crisis as a “burp” in the history of the Church. Those who challenge the Church on these and other issues can be harshly judged.
  4. A bad Christian may read Christian writers but also reads thinkers of other perspectives. Thus a bad Christian may read C.S. Lewis but also read Thich Nhat Hahn and Abraham Joshua Heschel
  5. A bad Christian opposes violence as a solution.
  6. A bad Christian tends to be suspicious of any politician who claims to be a good Christian.
  7. A bad Christian may attend Church but not because it is the right thing to do. Rather, he/she attends Church if it somehow helps them on his/her spiritual journey.
  8. A bad Christian, if he/she prays, does so privately.
  9. A bad Christian finds the God of his/her understanding in places outside of churches and thus may also be accused of being a “pantheist”.
  10. A bad Christian believes wealth is to be shared and thus may also be accused of being a socialist.

I have been labelled as a bad Christian on several occasions with terms such as “secularist”, “feminist”, and “enemy of the Church”. So talking about being a bad Christian is not hypothetical for me. In fact, I embrace it.

In case you are wondering, what I said to this man was “The only bad Christians I know of are those who claim to be good Christians and pass judgment on the rest of us.” He found that reassuring.

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Stuff and the Stuff of Memories

Posted on April 4, 2024 by richp45198

Those who try to follow a spiritual path often have mixed feelings about stuff. George Carlin has a great routine about our need for stuff and running out of room for our stuff. The Buddhists challenge us to address our attachments which can often include attachment to stuff. We are reminded that our stuff is ephemeral and as the play says you can’t take it with you. But some of our stuff matters because it can be the bearer of memories.

Today my 1991 Toyota pickup was towed away. It had not been running in a while and so we decided to donate it. As I saw it being loaded onto the tow truck, I felt some sadness. Grief, really. For that truck was the bearer of many memories.

For me, the 1990s was a time of transitions. All my children left for and graduated from college. My wife lived in Houston for the better part of 3 years pursuing a graduate degree. The red truck participated in many trips back and forth to campuses. The truck lived with my twins up in Minnesota for a year and then stayed with my wife during her time in Houston. With my children, the truck played a role in letting go.

The truck too played a role in special times with my wife and children. It accompanied us on trips to the mountains to gather firewood or journeys to hike in the Guadalupe Mountains. It would help us sneak outside the city limits to buy fireworks. After our children were gone, it took my wife and I on some wonderful trips. This truck is not my only attachment.

I have the razors from my grandfather’s barber shop. They bring back to me that wondrous place and its smells of cut hair and leather and Bay Rum. The razors offer me a sense of connection to my grandfather in the same way that a lump of coal on my desk connects me to the many relatives and ancestors who worked in coal mines.

I am attached to a copy of a poem I wrote about the hero of the 1960 World Series Bill Mazeroski. The poem is autographed by Maz himself. When I look at it or reread the poem, I am taken back to that wondrous day the hated Yankees were laid low by Maz’s walk-off homerun.

Many of us hold onto something not because of its inherent beauty but because of the memories the object holds. For some it may be an old baseball glove or a cut flower kept in a scrapbook. The baseball glove may be worn beyond use. The flower may be wilted. But we keep them because of the memories they hold.

Is it my imagination that, when I hold one of my mother’s rosaries, somehow I am connected with her powerful spirit?

As I continue to pursue a spiritual path where material things do not hold power, I will nonetheless cherish those things that carry the energy of my loved ones and the power of memories. For those few bits of stuff, I am grateful.

Reflection: Is there any bit of stuff to which you are attached? fell free to share that story.

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On Redemption

Posted on March 19, 2024 by richp45198

There were times in the past when someone would ask me “Have you accepted Jesus as your personal savior?” or “Have you been saved?” I would always answer “Depends on what you mean by that?”

For many, redemption is a word with religious overtones. But for some of us, it is a word of great power that reflects a major turn in our lives from destruction to –redemption.

Any of us who are on a path of recovery from addiction know first hand what it means to be redeemed. I would love to take credit for my recovery from addiction. Yes, I had to be open to healing and yes there is work to be done on a path of redemption. But I can’t take credit for getting on to that path. On the morning of June 2, 1983 I woke up and something had changed. I felt strongly that it was time for me to confront my alcoholism. I experienced what I understand to be grace and was put on a path of redemption.

Is religion required for redemption? I don’t think so. A religious path may indeed help but some have been redeemed without going anywhere near a church. Some I know who are being redeemed might not even voice a believe in a traditional God.

Redemption is also not something passive. For me, it was not a one-shot deal but rather was and is a process. As a person in recovery, I am still in the process of being redeemed. Each day that I am able to not pick up a drink I am redeemed. But I must also actively participate in that process of redemption, perhaps through prayer and meditation but sometimes also by undertaking a new path or activity that helps me heal.

I have also been privileged to meet men and women on a path of redemption as they heal from the trauma of war. Some find redemption climbing mountains, others through fly fishing, still others taking to the open road on motorcycles. One man fashioned copies of the famous Viet Nam statue and giving them away. I have one on my desk.

I was reading a story this morning of a boy asking a fisherman “What is the wind?” The fisherman answered “I don’t know. I don’t know what it is. But I do know how to hoist a sail.” A beautiful image for redemption. We may not know who or what is saving us but we are learning how to hoist a sail so that we may be saved.

There are many books telling stories of redemption. From Les Miserables to the lesser known but personal favorite Ordinary Grace as well as inspiring non-fiction stories. There are books about real redemption ranging from St. Augustine’s confessions to the story of Bill W. to All Is Grace, a biography of Dorothy Day.

And, of course, there are movies. I cannot write about redemption without citing Shawshank Redemption, a wonderful film about the redemptive power of hope:

There is Return of the Jedi which played a role in my own redemption. Something began to shift in me when I saw Darth Vader redeemed:

Finally here is a scene from the film My Name is Bill W. where we meet two men on a path of redemption:

To redeem something is to buy it back. To pay off a debt. So it is for many of us. We have been offered the opportunity to buy back our souls from the pit of despair.

I leave you then with a joyous celebration of redemption:

REFLECTION: Can your share a redemptive experience you have had, religious or otherwise?

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Chasing Your Dreams: Worth It Or A Waste?

Posted on February 27, 2024 by richp45198

This photo is of a young man chasing his dream. He is waiting to board a train to Indianapolis where he hopes to play baseball for the Indianapolis Clowns of the Negro League. His name? Henry Aaron.

We all have dreams. Some we dismiss as what Eugene O’Neill calls pipe dreams — dreams that won’t happen because we don’t have the skills or the wherewithal to pursue them. But many of us do not pursue dreams out of fear, mainly fear of failure. Sometimes, too, we are not willing to pay the price in pursuing those dreams.

Others of us are prevented by external forces from pursuing and achieving our dreams. Many of the people waiting for amnesty in Juarez Mexico are there because of a dream of a better life for themselves and their families. The pursuit of that dream is stymied by government red tape and political rhetoric.

The pursuit of a dream does not come without a price and does not occur in a vacuum. This scene from the film Rudy (the story of another dream) shows the impact the pursuit of a dream can have on those around the dreamer:

And yet if we are prevented from the opportunity to pursue a dream, the impact within can be profound as reflected in Langston Hughes’ poem Harlem:

What happens to a dream deferred?

      Does it dry up

      like a raisin in the sun?

      Or fester like a sore—

      And then run?

      Does it stink like rotten meat?

      Or crust and sugar over—

      like a syrupy sweet?

      Maybe it just sags

      like a heavy load.

Or does it explode?

We all love a good story about a dreamer and the achievement of his/her dream. Most of us don’t have that kind of story. But does that mean we shouldn’t dream? That we should be realists and accept our lot in life?

When I was 16 years old I had three dreams — to become a professional baseball player, to become an actor, or to become a Catholic priest. None of those dreams happened. But the energy of each dream enriched my life. I never lost my love of baseball and it has become a wonderful sharing with my children and grandchildren, all of whom know that Christmas often brings with it some new Boston Red Sox gear. I have done some acting here in El Paso, having portrayed such characters as Sherlock Holmes and Elwood P. Dowd of Harvey fame. I have a continued abiding interest in spiritual matters all of which has led to my publishing books and articles exploring spiritual issues. That richness has its roots in my dreams.

Yes, as Rudy’s father says, when we pursue a dream, there is a price tag, sometimes a heavy one. And, yes, as in my case, there may be many dreams we don’t achieve. But the energy from those dreams can enrich our journeys.

Henry Aaron became the greatest home run hitter of all time. It all started with the dream that young man pictured above carried in his heart. So let’s close by celebrating the culmination of that young man’s dreams when Henry surpassed Babe Ruth’s homerun record:

I hope you dare to dream!

REFLECTION: What has been your experience with dreams?

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Further Thoughts On Hope

Posted on February 5, 2024 by richp45198

Recently in to honor Martin Luther King, my wife and I watched his entire “I have a dream” speech. As he spoke of the realities of police brutality and other forms of discrimination, I found myself wondering whether we have made any progress since that speech 60 years ago.

As a society, we have become more divided. That division has raised the possibility that a man who jokes about being a dictator may become our next president. Intelligent dialogue over difficult issues such as immigration has been replaced by politicians spending money on walls and flotation devices. We watch helplessly as gun violence escalates to the point where mass shootings happen weekly as it becomes easier to purchase assault weapons. And we hear rumblings of a Catholic Right Wing intent upon undoing the gains of Vatican II. Many of us have become afraid and angry. Some politicians have tapped into that fear and anger to their own advantage.

Network is a prophetic film from the 1970s. Here is a famous scene where the newscaster Howard Beal, in the midst of a mental breakdown, taps into that cultural fear and anger. As you watch this scene, how far removed is it really from today’s political landscape?

So, just as Howard Beal suggests, the temptation for many of us is to withdraw and be left alone. Such a desire even impacts our religious practices. Many at Church don’t want to be reminded of the spiritual challenges of the day even though Christ’s message is intended to make us uncomfortable. When we attend Mass, many of us don’t want to hear Jesus’ challenges about the poor. We don’t want to be reminded that He did not see violence as a solution to problems. We don’t want to hear how His words impact our beliefs about gun control.

The counterpoint to all this is hope. Of faith, hope, and charity, we don’t hear as much about hope. Hope is an attitude as well as an emotion that says such things as :

I can heal.

We can survive.

The good people will win in the end.

And, if hope is grounded in faith, then hope says the God of one’s understanding will prevail.

In my work as a psychotherapist, I believed that part of my task was to help each person find a hope but that was real. For example, when I dealt with AIDS patients in the days before there was a medicine that offered survival, many of the people with AIDS held out the hope that a cure would be found before the disease killed them. I never challenged that hope but I did also try to help each person address the possibility of death. Thus one man who hoped for a cure was also able to speak to how he wanted to approach his death. In his case, even that was steeped in hope as he said “I want to look forward to stepping into the light.”

I also tried to help people find a hope grounded in action when appropriate. Thus, I might help an alcoholic find some hope that he/she could heal and then help them see that action such as attending AA might actualize that hope.

Yet hope based in faith challenges us. The key to a faith-based hope is letting go. As the AAers say “Let go and let God.” Clearly this is based in hope. When I try to let go and let God, I come face-to-face with my fears and my need to be in control. If I try to let go and let God, I am hoping that the result will be positive, perhaps in ways I cannot see.

There are many Biblical encouragements of hope. My own favorite comes from Isaiah 30:41: “And they that wait upon the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles. They shall run and not grow weary. They shall walk and not grow faint.”

The opposite of hope is fear which says that things will just get worse and that any prayer or action I might take is futile. This fear is pervasive these days. Is it too much of a stretch to suggest that hope is as elusive today as it was in the days of the Babylonian captivity?

To close, then, here is a scene from the wonderful film The Shawshank Redemption, a film in which the main character Red is redeemed from hopelessness by his friend Andy:

Hope is indeed a good things. May you be blessed with it.

Reflection: How hopeful are you these days? What nurtures that hope?

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Repost of Facing The Dark Side: Spiritual Challenges of the Capitol Attack

Posted on January 6, 2024 by richp45198

Posted on January 8, 2021 by richp45198

United States Capitol - Wikipedia

We are now three years out from the horrors of the Capitol Riot. We are facing another election that, for the moment, appears to be a face-off between a man some deem too old to hold office vs. a populist whose mentor Roy Cohn had been Sen. Joe McCarthy’s assistant. But the challenge remains for me to first of all face my own inner darkness. I repost this as a challenge to myself and to others. Our country desperately needs a spiritual renewal. I at least must start that renewal within

I love our Capitol. I remember visiting it on a tour when I was a boy. I was awed by the statuary. I was excited to see Everett Dirkson on the Senate floor. Yes, I am aware that some scoundrels have served in Congress. And yes I am aware that some shameful legislation has been passed there. But to me it is nonetheless sacred. This week that sacred space has been desecrated and my heart is breaking.

Yesterday I was talking with a woman well-versed in the Twelve Step program. She was discussing some blaming she had been doing but then said “But if I name it, I have to wear it.” This was a reminder to me of the great spiritual challenge I am facing subsequent to the attack on the Capital.

Years ago, I wrote to the great psychologist Carl Rogers, arrogantly believing I had found a flaw in his theory centering around the therapist being angry with the client. He wrote back challenging me to face the judgment I was making of the client, in essence suggesting that I too was part of the problem.

All the spiritual approaches I embrace — from Carl Jung’s psychology (facing one’s Shadow) to the Twelve Step program (“If you’re pointing your finger at someone, just remember that the rest of your fingers are pointing back at you”) to Christianity “Love your enemy”) — now challenge me to face something that makes me shudder. I have to face and embrace the Donald Trump within me.

There are a number of people whom I dearly love and who are Trump supporters. I ask those people as well as other readers this: if you wish to respond to this posting in support of Donald Trump, I will read your words with respect. However, I would also respectfully point out to you what this posting challenges you to do — to look within and to find the Joe Biden within you.

Shadow work has been a challenge. Yes, I have tried to face the Darth Vader within me. I have tried to find within me that which I quickly judge in others. I can even acknowledge that, yes, there may be themes I have in common with the guy wearing the antlers or the other guy arrogantly sitting in Pelosi’s chair, a crumbled American flag nearby. (Do you hear my judgment sneaking in there?) But the idea of acknowledging common ground with Donald Trump repulses me. Yet that is what I am called to do if I truly believe the principles mentioned above.

I’ve come to see that doing Shadow work does not mean I am excusing someone’s behavior. God is a God of compassion but He/She is also a God of justice. And so those who invaded the Capitol as well as those who encouraged them to do so must all be held accountable.

And so as I reflect on Donald Trump, I have to face and admit my own arrogance. I have to face and admit that I too have coveted power. I have to admit that I too have lied to protect myself. I too have disrespected others to inflate my own ego. These are all character defects within me that I am called to face and heal. It would be much easier for me to settle into a place of anger and judgment.

Loving my enemy does not mean that I should start wearing a MAG hat. It does mean that I should pray for a man I find repulsive. It means I should pray for his healing and for him finding some inner peace. The words choke in my throat like swallowed sand. But then Shadow work or 12-step work or Christian practice are never really easy.

REFLECTION: How have the attacks on the Capitol affected you spiritually or otherwise?

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Baba Yetu

Posted on December 12, 2023 by richp45198

Occasionally a piece of music crosses my path that touches me and enriches my spiritual journey. Such a piece is Baba Yetu

The words of Baba Yetu are the Lord’s Prayer in Swahili. The piece is composed by Christopher Tin and, believe it or not, was first part of a video game — Civilization IV. Since then, it has become a widely recorded piece.

The international multi-racial tone of Baba Yetu is inspired by African music. As such, it speaks to the common ground we can all find through prayer. The Lord’s Prayer, after all, was presented to us by Jesus as His guidance on how to pray. To hear His words communicated in the words and tones of Africa is a reminder to us all that it is a universal prayer, not a strictly English one.

I find it comforting, especially the first version I share below. The fact that this version in itself is multi-national speaks to me that peace is still possible, that hope is alive. The fact that children of many races and countries can come together and sing a song of prayer should have meaning to us all.

Music is the universal language that inspires us in so many ways. The second version below includes many interpretations of Baba Yetu, ranging from a large yet athletic man doing an interpretive dance to a group of women ice skating, all done to the Lord’s Prayer.

I hope you enjoy this as much as I have. If you’re familiar with Baba Yetu, pass it on.

This version is conducted by Christopher Tin and featuring Joel Virgel, Nominjin, and the Welsh National Opera Orchestra, with the Celebration Chorus and KwaZulu-Natal Youth Chorus.

Reflection: What one piece of music speaks to you spiritually?

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Spiritual Mentor: August Wilson

Posted on November 6, 2023 by richp45198

I am not African-American. But I have found myself strongly responding to the plays of August Wilson. The playwright from Pittsburgh presented with his 10-play cycle a powerful picture of the lives and struggles of African Americans in each decade. Best known of Wilson’s works is Fences and its adaptation to film in 2016. Part of the power of Wilson’s work is its universality. He touches on themes of family, dreams, rage, and the power of Spirit among many themes. His plays go far beyond race.

I find myself responding strongly to Wilson’s theme of “blood memory”. He called on others to embrace their blood memory — the collective memory of the struggles of our ancestors, some of whom created pathways of hope through their blood, literal and spiritual. His play The Piano Lesson speaks strongly to this theme. Bernice is in possession of a piano which has been in her family for generations. Carved on this piano are scenes and images reflecting the family history. Thus, when her brother Boy Willie wants to sell the piano, she forcefully resists, pointing out that their family’s blood is in the piano.

I remember in Cobh Ireland when I stepped inside a replica immigrant ship. I had a strong emotional response knowing that ancestors of mine including my grandmother travelled in these ships for weeks and months, seeking a better life. That connection I had that day is Blood Memory.

I have on my desk a large piece of coal. I have it there to remind me of my roots. Most of my ancestors worked the coal mines of Northeast Pennsylvania. Some got out to other jobs. Others did not. One of my uncles died of Black Lung disease. The emotion I feel when I hold that piece of coal is Blood Memory.

That Blood Memory is important since it honors my ancestors. I must never forget that the blood of those oceanic travelers, those coal miners and factory workers and mothers trying to raise and feed a houseful of children flows in me. What I have achieved in my life I owe to them. I must never forget who and what I come from.

I find too that I respond to some of the themes of family in Wilson’s plays. Here is a scene from the Broadway version of Fences featuring James Earl Jones and Courtney B. Vance. The son asks his father “How come you never liked me?” The father’s intense response may seem harsh but within that response is his definition of fatherhood. And within that response is fatherly love. I believe that it was an attitude that guided many of my own father’s life choices. He too was motivated by a desire to provide well and to help me find a path to a better life. He too taught me that, for him, work and caring for his family gave him a sense of purpose.

Many of Wilson’s plays carry strong spiritual themes. Some like The Piano Lesson speak to the dangers of ignoring that which is spiritual in life and also speak to the power of the spiritual to help with healing. Other plays such as Joe Turner’s Come and Gone speak to the power of redemption, a redemption sometimes found through one’s own blood.

Wilson was criticized for his portrayals of women yet some of his most powerful monologues are spoken by women. The strength of many of these women was inspired by Wilson’s memories of his own mother who fiercely fought to provide for her children, making great personal sacrifice in the process. The following scene features Viola Davis and Denzel Washington in the Broadway revival of Fences. Ms. Davis’ character speaks with power and fury of the many sacrifices she has made to provide her husband and family with stability. I believe that, along with the audience, my own stoic mother would applaud.

Good theater speaks to all of us. I can find myself in Tennessee Williams and The Glass Menagerie. I can find myself in Eugene O”Neill’s Long Day’s Journey Into Night. I can find myself in Thornton Wilder’s Our Town. And while I did not grow up African American and did not grow up without a father, I do find myself in August Wilson’s plays. His words, spoken in the rhythms of those he knew in the Pittsburgh Hill District, speak also to me. And for that I am grateful to him.

Further Resources: The film version of Fences is readily available and follows the play script closely. The Piano Lesson was presented on Hallmark and is available through streaming services.

A recent biography of August Wilson titled August Wilson: A Life by Patti Hartigan is a very readable picture of the playwright’s journey.

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On Madness and the Streak

Posted on October 10, 2023 by richp45198

“Without a little madness, a man never cuts the rope and is truly free.”

Towards the end of the great film “Zorba the Greek”, the character Zorba advises his young friend “A man needs a little madness or else he never dares cut the rope and be free.” By madness Zorba does not mean insanity. Rather he refers to a willingness to enjoy something regardless of what others think. In a stunning moment of liberation and in response to Zorba’s statement the young man asks Zorba to teach him to dance.

     Too often we limit ourselves for fear of what others will think. Too often we stifle creativity because it might be criticized. Too often we seek out a comfort zone then anxiously guard it, fearful of taking any risks that might carry us out of that comfort zone.

Even in religious practice we can come to fear madness. Jesus Christ clearly wanted to make us uncomfortable, yet we settle into a spiritual comfort zone where we don’t like to be challenged or feel uneasy. “Let me just go to church, hear a relatively innocuous sermon, then go home.”

     One of my acts of madness lasted for over 21 years. I ran every day. Rain or shine. Sickness or health. I once even ran a mile after being discharged from an ICU because I needed to keep The Streak going! I remember being at a party when a man approached me and said he’d heard I was a runner. When I began to tell him the ICU story, his smile faded and he began to back up!

     When one embraces madness, one is more likely to speak out. When a person embraces madness, he/she may indeed be judged as a troublemaker or even (as I once was) an “enemy of the church”. Yet madmen and madwomen often speak things we need to hear. I would argue therefore that madness stands as an antidote for spiritual stagnation.

       By why a running streak? In 1987 when I first started, I turned 39 so I suppose a midlife issue was involved. The baseball player Lou Gehrig had long been a hero and was best remembered for his streak of baseball games played. At that time, we were also beginning to hear about a baseball player named Cal Ripken who himself was building a streak of continuous games. Would he pass by Lou Gehrig, people were wondering. Finally, when I was studying at Indiana University a young man made the news for taking the world’s longest shower. I was impressed. So, on February 21 1987 I took what was the first of many consecutive runs.

     The Streak would contain many acts of madness in addition to the ICU incident mentioned above. Once as I was back from a run, I sliced my calf muscle on a license plate, an injury that required 18 stitches. The next evening, I was preparing to run the minimum mile when my wife stopped me. “What are you doing” she asked, already knowing my answer. “I’m going for my run”. She questioned the wisdom of doing this with 18 stitches in my leg so I compromised. “OK. If the stitches come out, I’ll stop.” The stitches held!

     But the ICU incident tops the list. I was one week away from running in the Cape Cod Marathon. I had been having a lot of trouble with asthma so my wife suggested go the local ER to get a breathing treatment. The ER doctor put me in ICU! Mind you, I had run that Saturday morning but, being in ICU, I believed the Streak was over. However, the doctor discharged me on Sunday and my wife came to pick me up at 8PM. I could save the Streak! So, as I got into the car, I said “Now you know what I’m going to do when we get home.” She sighed and said “You’re going to run…” She insisted on coming to the nearby track to make sure I didn’t keel over.

     The Streak ended in September of 2008. I had been preparing for a second time at the DC Marathon. After about 10 miles, my left foot became so painful that I had to stop running. I hobbled home. The next day I made an appointment with an orthopedic doctor. In the meantime, yes, I continued to run the minimum mile but when I went to see the doctor, he told me I had a stress fracture in my foot. The Streak came to an end.

     Since then, I attempted another streak that lasted a year, ending with a knee injury. Today I typically run 5 days a week but have not attempted another Streak.

     I would argue that madness can be a spiritual virtue. Obviously, I am not referring to insanity although some great prophets have been dubbed insane. To me madness means a willingness to step outside the norm, to do something that others might think strange. Clearly that something needs to not cause harm to or endanger others. Nor does an act of madness need to be dangerous.

     As Zorba speaks to young Basil at the end of the movie, he is responding to Basil’s tentative approach to life and his escaping into books. He encourages Basil to live with passion. Basil hesitates then asks Zorba to teach him to dance. Earlier in the film Zorba dealt with a tragedy by dancing. Basil takes off his coat and tie and after dancing a bit, he starts laughing. The film ends with Zorba and Basil enjoying some madness together.

     Madness can also involve doing things in an unconventional way. On a daily basis we are all under great pressure to conform. My own Catholic Church has in many ways become more rule-bound, in part because of the disastrous impact of the clergy abuse scandal. Dissension is not tolerated well.

     Whether it has anything to do with my running streak I don’t know. But it has been brought to my attention that within the mental health community of El Paso, I am viewed as eccentric. I am also told I am viewed as more of a philosopher than a psychologist. Finally, I was recently told that I am viewed as someone who doesn’t BS people. I think I can live with that. An eccentric philosopher who doesn’t bullshit people.

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What It’s Like Inside My Head

Posted on September 26, 2023 by richp45198

Originally posted April 2018

DSCN0631

I was watching a TV program recently in which one of the characters said “No one knows what it’s like inside my head!” Interesting. It occurs to me that, like a lot of other bloggers, this blog may be an attempt to articulate some of what it’s like inside my head. That, however, would not be accurate since the majority of my writing has been around heavy intellectual themes. But then I walked into Johnson’s!

Johnson’s Art Gallery is found in Madrid, New Mexico along the Turquoise Trail. On a recent trip, my wife and I stopped in. If you look closely at the picture above, you will get a hint. Some beautiful painting left unguarded. A random pot. Cactus here, sagebrush there. Then we went inside!

We were met with random boxes of unfiled business papers, piles of books and photographs, all completely unorganized. For people who like organization, it is stressful. For me, I felt at home.

One of the owners commented “We’re trying to get organized but then we’ve been trying to get organized for ten years”. I came upon some beautiful photography of the Southwest, some wonderful paintings, even some old books and toys. But keep in mind that this was all quite random. In the midst of my wanderings, I chatted with one of the store clerks (or was he the owner?) about the Redsox.

When I went to make my purchases, one of the store people pointed to an elderly lady walking in with a cane and was told “She’ll take care of you.” This was Ms. Johnson herself. She had to poke around amidst a pile of papers to find her sales book. Next she had to search to find a pen. Next she was unsure of the cost. Then together we processed my payment through her credit processor. She thanked me for helping as we commiserated about modern technology. Then she again had to poke around to find a bag.

As I left, I thanked them all and said “This place has character! Don’t ever change!”

Then I had an epiphany. “That’s exactly how it is inside my head!” Chaos. Disorganization. Definitely not a business sense. And yet the unexpected treasure found in a corner. Interesting ideas floating amidst random busywork. Interesting bits of information having nothing to do with anything in particular yet exciting to discover. Poor attention to detail. Very random yet very creative. Down to earth. Prone to oversights and other types of mistakes. (For example, later that day we could not stay at our favorite hot springs spa because I had booked the wrong date!)

Somehow it was very comforting to have a metaphor for my own consciousness and it was reassuring that, on balance, that metaphor was a pleasant place to be.

Update September 2023

If anything, the clutter inside my head is similar to the clutter in my garage. It has only grown but, my, there sure is some interesting stuff out there! When I came across this picture of Johnson’s Art Gallery, I felt a warm glow and the reassurance that my cluttered brain is still wonderfully cluttered.

Reflection: Do you have a metaphor for what it’s like inside your head?

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